Saturday, June 8, 2013
I realize I'm really an owl kinda person, I can stay so active at night! Today my sis and I have an rather heated argument about something quite small(we always do that). Here is how it went...
She had a case at work, a 18 year old boy died cause he stole money and his dad chase him to a corner whereby he had no where to run thus climb out of the window onto the ledge, be it accident or what he fell off and died due to serious internal bleeding. His dad was kinda ruthless, when came to the hospital the doctor told him they will do their best to save him but the chances are slim. His dad replied: "So can I go home now?"
Okay, in such a situation we only know part of the story, the fact the dad replied that way is really ruthless and uncaring. But the boy also has done wrong, stealing money. So I tried to somehow console my sis say it's okay cause it's an accident, but she just can't get over the fact that the dad said that. So I said: "Maybe is because the son was rebellious in the first place and the dad kinda gave up on him" etc. Then she say where got like that one etc.
So that's how the argument started and ended. We both state our stands on this and case closed. Then we started discussing why we want to become doctors(I had the dream first and I don't know when she had it). I want to be is because I want to invent medicine that can cure Aids and save people, do volunteering work to save those who are poor. My sis also but not the Aids part, she want to save people too. But now is the responsibility that comes with it, the life of other people is in your hands and upon any/whatever situation a doctor needs to stay calm. For this fact is why I did not become one, it's too heavy for me, the responsibility, and I'm too temperate and unable to stay calm, to be exact I need time. My sis is in the medical field so she still can help people, but now she want to be a psychiatrist cause most of the time it no need to face immediate situation of life and death. But mentally unsound still can cause death what, that's what I told her and again, opinion clash. Details are too much to type but the clash did not end good as a form of discussion, it ended as mentioned, as a clash.
So it kept me thinking, what am I doing now? Am I helping people, no, I'm burdening people cause I'm unable to finance myself. Yes, finance myself, a thing that needs to be learned and maintained when growing up, the reason I hate to grow up. I'm not like some kid that wishes to grow up when I was young, I did not want to grow up at all. I checked it up, it is some kind of mental illness named something like Peter-Pan syndrome. It's like you want to live in Peter Pan's world whereby no one grows up. I think I have this but not in a serious manner, or else I would need a psychiatrist. But I'm living in my own world, where everything is so good and fine(as quoted from my sis from the clash). I somehow cannot face reality and live with it, I would rather believe the beautiful lies that people tend to give, denying all the facts that need to be faced. But advices that I give people is so different from what I do, cause I know how bad it is to not face it so I always tell people to face it no matter what, so that they won't be like me. And I realize that I always give advices that I don't do, like marriage. I like to tell people to get married but myself, absolute no. Why? I don't want to be responsible of other people's life and be struck with someone and many more reasons. But I always tell people the good things about marriage,cause there are really good things in marriage, like having a partner that knows you,concern about you no matter what,stay by your side no matter right or wrong etc. But to me all these does not concern me, cause I would only add burden to that person,I know myself too well, or maybe my character become like this because I don't want to get married, I don't want to attract anyone of the opposite sex. Maybe that's why... ...