Monday, November 17, 2008
Haven't been updating these days...feel like updating but lazy to type because want to type Chinese...must wait til i have the damn good mood...most probably in the next month cause it's my favourite month...!Christmas is coming...!don't ask mi why i like Christmas so much, i just don't know...
this year have been a shocking year for mi...why...?a lot of changes is processing and it's end by this year perhaps and hopefully it will...if not i don't know how long will i suffer...about the attachment I'm quite alright with it already but still i can't see the way adults handle things...perhaps they have to sustain their position that's why...they must have a way to do things so that people/subordinates listen and follow their instructions...perhaps because I'm quite young thus i feel that calling my superiors by their name a bit funny...like a bit rude le...cause in a company ma...calling the M.D and CEO by name i really feel very funny...make mi feel that I'm rude but actually it's okay...I'm not used to it yet...and i don't think i'll get used to it...
after 13 march 2009 i'll be free...within this period i hope that i can change for the better but I'm afraid that i can't accept...i feel very 矛盾about changing myself...i really don't know what to do after i change...how do i face my friends and family...?okay...perhaps I'm thinking too much...that's what my sister like to tell mi...my sister hopes that i can change...so she keep saying i got slim down then ask mi to keep it up then i can look nicer...i know it's 为我好, but i feel very...i don't know how to explain...perhaps culture has made mi like this...
I'm really lost...i don't want to face comments but i'll need them...cause then i'll know whether I'm changing better or not...my friends and family has been wanting mi to change into a more feminine person...i hope i can do it and bring a new mi in front of them after my attachment...let's hope...i shall do it for my sister and my health...i think my health is deteriorating at a high speed...