Thursday, October 2, 2008
Now i'm at the reception for today because the recpetionist took leave...a bit boring but lucky have wwj to talk to mi [on msn]...i don't like to pick up calls because i have to like fake a voice come out...damn stupid, that's what i think...that's why i say there is no jobs for mi because i don't like to serve people with a smile [because i think smiling to people whom i don't know is a bit fake and dumb]...office work still okay but a little boring...now i'm thinking of what to write for my logbook...really don't like it man...no inspiration and anything...now i'm in a crisis...a serious crisis...regardless is about money, mood or work...nothing seems to work out for mi these days...i saw my horoscope prediction whereby it says that my luck will turn to a better side beacuse of the change in the sun position...but it's not very true for mi...
perhaps "upstairs" saw my last blog entry and decide to give mi hard time in order to grant the happiness of the people who i dear...but at least can tell mi they're safe and sound...?so that i won't suffer for nothing or even blame you for torturing mi...but the thing is how do "you" let mi know..."you" must have a way...isn't it...?
my posts are rather random and i don't see any link between the paragraphs...who cares...this blog is for mi to vent everything...and also for mi to put random thoughts...and i do have many, plenty of thoughts everyday...i also don't know why i can think of so many things...perhaps reading books also help mi to think...i need distractions...or else i think i would not survive...actually i think i like to deceive myself and avoid reality...i always "advise" others to face up to reality but i realize i'm the one who's avoiding it most...this is the way i live perhaps...i want to be myself...in my very own world...i don't like changes and don't need changes and i don't want changes...so all and all i hate changes...perhaps that's the only thing i hate on earth...changes...
i feel like killing myself but i don't have the courage...i think what i lack the most in my lifetime is courage...i admit actually i'm very timid...really timid...that's why i almost never face up to the truth...i'm scared that it'll hurt mi...i don't know what i do is to protect myself or what...but the thing is i'm not brave...i'm scared of almost anything and everything...i may look as if i'm not afraid of anything, but in fact i'm afraid...i'm afraid that i might get hurt in relationships, but i still give it all...i don't know how to protect myself...so why am i doing this...?giving myself hell of a bad time and not doing what i "advise" people to do...not setting a example...what the hell is this...?!
life's ever-changing...so since i hate changes does it mean that i hate life...?actually not quite...i am happy that i'm born into this world at this time because of the people around mi...although there are many things that bothers but generally life is quite great...being alive is better than being dead...isn't it...?i think on the both sides of things...but i tend to go on the darker side a little bit longer...but still the brightness of the bright side still attracts mi...haha=]