Wednesday, August 27, 2008
the day before was my sister's birthday and today is cui fen's birthday...!!!
happy birthday to both of them and may all their wishes come true...!
[for my sister is a belated one]
I've been rotting at home since last Saturday...then i realize nothing to do is also very boring...on the computer and realize there's nothing for mi to do, don't feel like doing housework,just sleep and sleep and sleep until my body ache...really very meaningless and boring...
just now i started on my introduction letter for my ITP[internship]...i realize another thing...i don't know how to write an official letter...i don't know what exactly to include, the format, the language and everything...
i find myself quite useless these days...actually not these days...in actual fact i AM useless...if my mum and dad are not around i really don't know how to survive...i don't know how to pay bills[i keyed the account number wrongly the other time], how to use the washing machine, how to change light bulbs, how to contact people to settle money matters/government matters/official matters and many more...all my stuffs are settled by my mum and i rely on my dad on money and labour work...if they die before mi i think i would most probably die later too...
我也发现自己不会关心身边的亲人，好比昨天，我老妈打电话来慰问我老爸的情况，因为我老爸今早上吐下泻，所以叫我问他有没有好点，如果没有的话叫他去看医生。我的确是有问他，不过我觉得怪怪的，我也不知道怎么形容那感觉。然后他回家我就不理他，还喊他，因为他打扰我看电视。我喊他后他说了一些话但是我没听清楚，但是隐约听到是说要钱的时候才对他好点这样的话。听了过后感到十分内疚和惭愧但是也没表示，也不知道怎么表示，然后他就去睡觉了。今天我一定要跟他说对不起！
我好想快点赚很多很多钱让他们不用担心我们的将来，让他们过好生活，至少让他们可以不用为金钱烦恼。他们已经照顾我们很久了，是该享享清福了，可是我就是不争气。钱不是我做工的动力，我不会因为钱才做工，正确点来说是我不会那么勤奋去做工。好像现在其实我没事做可以去做工但我选择在家偷懒[说好听点是休息]，因为我真得很累，从上个月到上个礼拜都没怎么休息过，而且压力也很大，所以想好好休息， 但我妹说这些只是借口[可能是吧]。
还有一个原因是我的实习也要到了，我想好好做准备，可是其实我到现在还没联络另一个实习生关于实习的事。这几天都没做到任何事，就觉得任何事都不和我意，然后乱发脾气，就好像昨天对我爸一样。我真的变了，我知道但不知如何是好让我感到非常无助，有点绝望、迷失自己的迹象。我真的不想自己这样、我到底该怎么办才好、我真的不知道。。。
